Lost

I just want to write what I really feel,
Don’t really want to talk tonight.
I just wanted to talk about what’s sneaking
out my windowpanes I can’t express.

I wanted to see your name on the ID again,
I wanted that picture to great my eyes again.
Everytime I see it, I see you and it’s like,
Well it’s like maybe I’m in love again.

But this time I know that the scars are deeper,
I saw in my eyes when you called,
That heart’s still broken from all you said and didn’t do,
From the very first time you fell.

You were the trustworthy one, the only one
I could trust you no matter what, believe in you,
You would always be there, if you said you would,
But then, you weren’t.

It had been so long, I thought you wouldn’t fall
But tonight it seems like you had to,
Like maybe I had you on a pedestal,
But only one that made you a man.

I asked myself then if your old monsters had come back
Was the gatorade bottle to cool the stench
Of nights of vodka, tequila and lime,
And the tired, sick excuse for something worse?

I almost cried out to you, or screamed at you one time,
It was long ago, but it was there.
I thought I had the courage to say something,
But then I realized it was a lie.

I don’t know, but I think I just loved you,
And I was so angry because you didn’t love me too,
And I thought it hurt so bad to be betrayed,
But maybe I asked too much,

Maybe I shouldn’t ask anything of you.
Maybe I should just turn away.
That’s what I told myself that cold December night,
And caved, and let you go.