There’s too much

There’s too much in my heart now,
I feel that muchess coming on,
An explosion of emotion denied
Emerging to consume me in black pitch

I grieve intensely at watching news
Other’s misfortune tearing me apart,
I laugh heartily at silly sitcoms
Like they are as funny as they think they are.

It always happens, its happening now
I panic, as life begins again
The fear returns of all of life,
And while I remember all of the advice…

Well every word against every drug grows clear
And I stare them in the face and do it anyway
Maybe nothing that would make me look bad
But killing myself and soul in every little way

And I wonder how to get out of this destructive cycle
Or is this what it means to be a fallen me
Maybe we always must deal with this nature
That asks us to destroy ourselves in night