Dear my love,

I am sitting up tonight writing a letter to you because you have to sleep sometime! I can’t expect you to stay awake all the time, even if I wish we could because I cannot possibly get enough time with you. I still can’t believe by the way how strongly I feel that way-I really and honestly wish I could spend every second with you, not every free second. Sometimes I wish I could quit my job completely because every once in a while it takes me away from you, and I really really really really need you.

I’m sorry we don’t always get the chance to really talk. You’re right-we haven’t done that much lately. We have done so much movie watching and resting, that we haven’t invested in each other. Not really. And I am sorry for that. I feel that I have let you down a bit in that way because I have been so stressed that I haven’t been really communicating with people. I am really having a hard time with all the changes and how stressful everything outside of us is. I am struggling with thinking everyone hates me, I can visualize their their intensely vicious thoughts about me. I fear being around them because I don’t know how to speak anymore. And worst of all sometimes I don’t even know how to deal with everything because my body hurts from how much stress I don’t know what to do with. But I need you, and I need to always give you the time of day.

I really love you, not just because you are around, or because you are my friend. I love you because we really relate on a very deep level. I love you because we hear each other when we talk. I love you because you are my best friend and my lover. How could I forget that? How can I get so caught up in our fights and in our craziness that I can’t hear that we really just need to be with each other sometimes? How can I not remember that we promised to always rekindle our love? Please forgive me for letting myself drop the ball when I entered the three point line. I am going to try to be more attentive to you, and to let you do the same for me. Please hear me that I am struggling and help me to be there for you in yours.

I love you with a power and substance beyond anything I can even understand, and I refuse to ever lose you. I cannot wait to find out just how close we can be.

With love,

~Julia