The darkness was supposed to have lifted.
And maybe it did.
But I could not see it because I was still screaming.
In the fetal position on the floor with my hands covering my eyes and my ears.
Screaming like no one has ever heard someone scream before.
Feeling every tendril of despair wrapping around me.
Bits of my heart being sucked through my skin to fly off into the outside.
It was like a tornado inside out screaming red blood into space without stars.
Screaming until air ran out.
Then and only then I was shaking,
Shaking like leaves in the rain or a body seizing with a brain bleed.
Hairs up on end.
Terrified for me.
Fight or flight after we already fought and flew.
“Please God make it stop, Help me survive!”
But He already did.
Then someone touches my shoulder tenderly.
I ignore it at first but it stays.
“Oh God, am I alive?”
My lungs tear out to meet the stranger,
Erotically I wrap myself around it, or him.
Come inside me, give me every inch of you.
What is this monstrous lust(?) inside me?
Come to me!
Burdened suddenly by desire my breath ceases.
The darkness seeps between my lips
Yanking my head back and sending my arms back in acceptance,
Surrender to my hearts last beat.
I breathe tar into me,
Pulling at it with something from deep inside me.
Eating it without chewing for a moment.
Consuming it until it is all in me,
Choking me, taking me, killing me, eating me.
Being me inside out.
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