Lately, I have been struggling, like, a lot. I’ve been sharing that story because I believe in honesty about our struggles, and I believe that sharing our truth helps others who are struggling, but lately I have been trying to make sure I am balancing out those posts with the amazing ways that God is working in my life, to comfort me and help me move forward.
Yesterday, God took me aside to give me some encouragement. I am working hard on writing my screenplays, which is something that I believe God has called me to do, but I have been feeling so hopeless about our future that it has been hard to continue even trying some days. Yesterday, He saw that in me and He filled me.
First thing in the morning, I woke up to see a meditation in my email about God hearing those who pray for a long time. The theme was “it could be tomorrow” and the Bible readings for it were all about people who were promised things by God, suffered for a time and then, received what they were promised. This year, I felt convinced that God would hear my prayers about my film career, and that it was one for me to start working towards it in earnest again, but I’ve been praying for this since I was born. I have suffered being mocked for it, told it was evil, lectured about how God doesn’t care about it, and I left what I believed God wanted me to do because other people didn’t believe me. I felt Him telling me, “Hey, any day now it could happen!” Which really is true, because I’m waiting on a lot of people who are reading my work.
The second thing was an article about Lady Gaga and how she went completely bankrupt without even realizing it. She had to pay for all of these things for her tour and she put it all on credit cards, so she ended up 3 million dollars in debt. The third was another article about a screenwriter who made 5.1 million one year and was homeless the next. Again, the culprit was credit cards and spending money he didn’t have. In addition, he talked about how hard it is to deal with the pretense of wealth in Hollywood.
Both of these were really powerful for me to read because my husband and I have done Dave Ramsey this year, and we have learned a ton about how to manage our money. We are struggling with money in a very emotional way right now, and we have spent a lot of tears. I have learned to over and over again put my financial worries and longings in God’s hands. I have learned that God cares about our financial needs, and that if we put it in His hands, He will take care of us. It will not always be great or what I want it to be, but He will provide. I have also learned how important it is to do well with the money you are given. Film is a business where you may make a ridiculous amount of money one year, and nothing the next, and I believe that God was showing me that if I had made it into film before this year, I would not have taken care of the money well, and we would not have used it the way God really wants it to be used.
I felt so encouraged by all of this, not because God has given me everything I wanted or I know He will and my wait is over, but because He saw me, needing some encouragement, afraid that nothing in my life will ever get better, and He sat with me and talked with me in the best way He could about how wise His timing is, and that I should keep trying and praying.