Maxima Culpa

I have been so frustrated about the existence of bad things lately. 
I saw a bird eating a roadkill squirrel the other day.
I was so angry I didn’t know whether to curse, or cry,
So I just yelled, the entire way to Church about how unfair it was.

I hate when people want to hurt other people.
I am starting to realize that some of the people I know 
Are not afraid to hurt others, I can’t understand that.
I spent my entire life trying to make everyone else happy. 

I hate that people are so selfish.
Why would someone insist on watching whatever they want
Every single night, football consumes how many hours a week?
I just want to spend time doing something everyone likes.

I’m not even asking you to watch something you don’t like,
Just something that not only you like, Four days a week,
All about you, no one else matters,
Even when your daughter just wants to be together.

I hate that I am vain and pretentious and maybe a little proud
And then suddenly I am a seductress
Sensual to a point that no one decent could ever understand,
Could i ever be worthy of love?

I hate the fact that I can’t think straight,
And all these things are really just part of the circle of life,
They are the things we learn to get along with or without
But tonight, they are not ok.

Advent

How funny it is that suddenly
Everyone you see is just so jolly,
Filled with wonder and awe at the season,
Yet everyone sits and wonders the reason.

The reason for the season is a speech,
That sucks the sparkles from you like a leech.
You can’t refuse a moment’s wonderment 
Because now that results in other men’s torment.

But for every other day you come awake,
And prayers and weary way you deign to take,
You glare at all that comes into your way,
And sigh at all that blurs the bright of day.

 

Student Loans…

Mini-Rant: Student loans make me super angry, they are ruining my life and the lives of everyone I care about. Yes, they gave the amazing opportunities to get a great education, and I realize that the blessings I received at Ave are beyond priceless, but does that mean that we literally have to pay for it forever? We will never know what it feels like to not have the need for money breathing down our necks, whether we are responsible with our money or not.

Researching tonight I have learned that Student Loans are BAD and you shouldn’t get them(ooooo surprise), that if you have them you should pay on them(REALLY?), OH and guess what? BARELY ANYONE HAS THE MONEY TO PAY ON THEM.(And by that I mean not anything really substantial, I don’t count maybe being able to pay a little of the interest) except for this one lawyer I found. He makes over $50,000 a year straight out of college, and you know what? He wanted to pay his debt off in three years, he didn’t buy clothes, fixed his car with duct tape, and basically didn’t spend money on anything for all three years. And he managed to pay them off. To be perfectly honest, I  do not want to stop living for 5-7….possibly even ten years to pay my student loans off. I don’t think I should have to never, EVER eat out, never buy a shirt I like, never go to the movies, never get a new car, never have my own house, never go to f-ing Europe where I have always wanted to go, SO BADLY, never see my friends who live in other states, never even go to their weddings, because there is this damn monster looming over my head threatening me all the time. You have to pay me, you have to pay me. 

There are also bullshit government programs that will supposedly help you pay off your debt. IF you work for the government and have already been paying for 120 payments, at least. That’s ten years. I am sorry, but the amount of worry and stress I am in, I really hope and pray it doesn’t last for ten years. Talk about ulcers. 

I’m not the kind of person to ask for handouts, and as mopey and whiney as I sound, I want to pay my loans back, but I make 14,000, owe almost $70,000, and that 70,000 is just growing.(I just found a house in Houston that costs that much money, I could buy a f***ing house with how much money I am out) But if you look at the cost of living, living outside my parents house probably costs me….hmmm 13,200, which means basically that after taxes, I have nothing left. And that 1100 by the way, is cutting everything really small. That’s living with two roommates, and having about $100 a month for things like clothes, contacts, emergencies, etc. Sure I could cut that back and maybe have $50 a month, or I could get a second job, which is what I am about to do, and then hopefully I’ll be able to pay back, oh who knows, like $300 a month. That’s interest at least, on the $20,000 loan I have from grad school. Fan-f***-ing-tastic. And research tells me :Start paying now” well f*** you guys.

You know, I’m not an angry person, but this issue is just too big and for all those who ask (of my anger) What would Jesus do? I’m going to take initiative from one of my favorite memes and say He would start flippin’ some damn tables.

And the Lights Begin to Show

Sh.
All the world is now gone black.
Wait.
For light is now soon coming back.

The flashes….
Begin,
Stacotto
They jump.
Again and now,
They light up.

Where melody had come with its sweet song…
Harmony
Crashes
Now you play
Along.

“Joy”
Manmade and dank,
Crowds out pain,
Cries,
Ascend the chain
Of Satan’s gain,
Lies,
He told againto make us say,
Joy
In
Cries
And
Lies.

On Listening to Paramore’s Emergency

On Listening to Paramore’s Emergency

 

In a world where children are bent and bruised,

Parents have left to find their fortune.

Their jagged edges are covered with bandages,

Hearts broken get cartoon caricatures.

“A man can turn his head only so many times,”

It has been said, “And say that he sees nothing:

Every where he turns his head, that is what he sees,

Nothing.

 

Yet he turns again, empty, brokenness, shattered skyscrapers,

Buried castles in the sky, and he tramples on their fairytales.

In a time when the world of children,

Has become nothing more than reality,

Dreams are burnt to ashes and a soot that suffocates.

Those meant to guard the little ones, offend most deep.

Their education in the ways of the world,

Brings down their own despair on the hopeful hearts

Of those who have not yet been jaded.

 

So children hold bruises behind their skin

And fairytales are buried with their castles.

Brick by boring brick, we build real life,

Devoid of true magic, left to seek the dark supernatural,

Equilibrium between beauty and rationality,

Crumples beneath the curses of the real.

 

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