Ask God For the Miracle

Dear God, Abba, Daddy,

Help us. We have screwed up as a people in so many ways. We have been lost, we have been confused, and we have been selfish. We are afraid.

God. Help us.

We have turned from those who needed our help. We have not seen who needed us. We have been harder on ourselves than we should be. We have pushed ourselves and our families to the breaking point. We have neglected those in need.

God help us.

We have lost the art of resting in you. We have left your arms and protection. We have acted as if we have the strength to brave this world without you.

God help us.

In our confusion and fear, we have turned from you. Maybe without knowing it, maybe knowing it deep down, maybe knowing it with no doubt. We have turned from you. We turn back to you now. Jesus, take us by the hand to the Father.

Abba, Daddy, help us.

We have been wounded, we have been afraid, we have been angry, we have been lost. We have been lonely. God, we need you.

Abba, Daddy, help us.

We have felt betrayed because of those who follow you, you know that pain.

We have felt your wrath because all we have seen is wrath, you heard our cries.

We have cowered in fear of you, because we were afraid of you, you came to show us not to be afraid.

God, we are full of fear this lent, it is dark, and scary. We turn to you, like a baby runs to their father and mother and we beg for you to keep us safe. Hold us in your arms, comfort us, soothe our fears and keep us safe. Protect us from what is scary in the world, and dry our tears.

God, you ask penance for what we have done, and we are trying, we are willing, but please have mercy on us. Please accept our small sacrifices and little offering of our struggles and make the most of them. Mary offer our struggles, joys, and daily efforts to God for us every moment of everyday.

Please help us, God, don’t turn your face from us. We love you, please hold us in your arms. Protect us Lord, heal the world you created for your Love. We rest the world at your feet and ask for your will, May your kingdom come.

We believe that you want the good for us, and you need only say the word.

By the power of the precious blood of Jesus, by Mother Mary’s love for her children, by St. Joseph’s sweet tenderness, God forgive us our sins, and heal us from the damage that mankind’s sin has done.

Amen.

Come to Me

The darkness was supposed to have lifted.
And maybe it did.
But I could not see it because I was still screaming.
In the fetal position on the floor with my hands covering my eyes and my ears.
Screaming like no one has ever heard someone scream before.
Feeling every tendril of despair wrapping around me.
Bits of my heart being sucked through my skin to fly off into the outside.
It was like a tornado inside out screaming red blood into space without stars.
Screaming until air ran out.
Then and only then I was shaking,
Shaking like leaves in the rain or a body seizing with a brain bleed.
Hairs up on end.
Terrified for me.
Fight or flight after we already fought and flew.
“Please God make it stop, Help me survive!”
But He already did.

Then someone touches my shoulder tenderly.
I ignore it at first but it stays.
“Oh God, am I alive?”
My lungs tear out to meet the stranger,
Erotically I wrap myself around it, or him.
Come inside me, give me every inch of you.
Fuck.
What is this monstrous lust(?) inside me?
Come to me!

Burdened suddenly by desire my breath ceases.
Enter me.
The darkness seeps between my lips
Yanking my head back and sending my arms back in acceptance,
Surrender to my hearts last beat.
I breathe tar into me,
Pulling at it with something from deep inside me.
Eating it without chewing for a moment.
Consuming it until it is all in me,
Choking me, taking me, killing me, eating me.
Being me inside out.

Cash doesn’t make up for loss

A friend of mine died this week. I posted a status, my farewell to him, and the only comment on it is a friend of mine who reminds me that I should remind people about the fundraiser going around for him. That really hurt, and today she asked me to spread the word about the fundraiser. Now, if she had done that INSTEAD of jacking my Facebook, maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me. But it just feels like she is taking over my grief and not allowing me to feel it. I want to support them, yes, but there’s more going on here than money. There is hurt, injury, so much pain, and yes his wife needs money, but you know what else she needs? Love! Tenderness! Beautiful stories about his life. I never deleted her comment because I want to support the family, but its just so hard for me.

All Things Come to an End

For one to be, another one must leave,
he said to me as i asked for all to last.
Some things end, so something SO good may be,
He said, as through my heart goosebumps passed.

So the angel spoke as I watched life begin,
And saw things pass to come and be renewed,
At first I saw and angrily cried out, “sin!”
Until Eves tale rendered me calm, subdued.

We were never supposed to be torn from,
Another angel said, but to be one,
one with all and one with Him never born,
But begotten then born an only Son.

He abides in three and we live in He,
A triumvirate of constant love,
That flares out in Spirit, He the “to be”
And brings each evil thing to heaven above.

So he repairs the ravages of one,
Who turned from him and cursed all her sons.

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