A couple of weeks ago, there was a shooting in Texas that just devastated me. A couple days before I watched The Hate You Give, which rocked me as well. Both of these events are on the heels of, and preceding so many horrible tragedies and fearful events happening all over they world lately. I find myself desperate for God’s love to be present in … Continue reading Yes, The World Needs God, But Not Like That
Trigger Warning: Miscarriage 5 Years Ago Today was the day I lost my first child. 5 Years Ago Today was the day she died. Today, I lived my life like nothing was wrong. I played with my double rainbow babies. I did the dishes. I cleaned the house. But I saw a butterfly and I asked if it was her. I asked her to be … Continue reading 5 Years Ago Today: Trigger Warning-Miscarriage
Ever since I grew to adulthood, I hear the echoes of everyone who told me, “That’s not real. That’s a fantasy.” Most of the time, I silence them With a wave of the hand, And maybe a deep breath, But then, Sometimes, a wave of grief comes, My heart begins to ask, “Were they right? Does God give us dreams to take them away? Does … Continue reading Jaded
My entire life I have struggled with the Crucifixion. I could never wrap my mind around God allowing His Son to go through something like that. To be honest, I don’t see that fully going away anytime soon, the problem of evil is my biggest hang up in life, and even when I find an answer to satisfy me for a bit, there’s still this … Continue reading The Beauty of the Crucifixion
Lately, I have been feeling like a ping pong ball in my own head. I’m learning a lot about a lot of things, but the problem is they all seem to contradict each other. I am learning how to cultivate joy, but I am also learning how to give myself space to be sad, I am learning about how to let good things in, and … Continue reading Ugly Cry, or, My Awakening: The Tension Between Cultivating Joy and Feeling Heard
Lately, I keep finding things that people say are rules or how things should be that are hard for me because I have walls up because of things that have happened to me. I learned this because I read a blog post about giving God our pain, and as I have been offering up my hurt to Him, God has repeatedly comforted me, and then … Continue reading Walls: Start with Love
Tonight, my newsfeed is full of anger and sadness. Pain is manifesting all over the internet in 100 ways, from the women whose hearts are breaking over the children dying, to the women who see their own lives being torn away in front of them. There are screenshots being shared in all of my groups of what other people have said accompanied by comments about … Continue reading The Abortion Bills
Recently, I went through a period where I was thinking about my miscarriages a lot. I had made a short film about Emma, and I was grieving some other people who had died, and I had to work through some leftover anger at God for what happened with her. It is very hard for my husband when I talk about miscarriages, especially Emma. He copes … Continue reading The Power of Mourning Together: Intimacy after Trauma
“Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabbactani My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?” My God, My God, why did you abandon me? I gave You everything. No matter how hard everything was. I gave You my childhood. I gave you the feeling of being invincible that I never got to feel. I gave You my obedience that destroyed my dreams, and my spirit for years. … Continue reading Embrace Your Cross
She did not look like anyone I had seen before. There was a red shape on her face that terrified me. I thought then that it was because I thought she was ugly, and I was so ashamed that I never talked to her. I think now, that it was because it scared me. I didn’t know what could cause something like that and I … Continue reading For David and Karly ❤
