Lament of the Unorganized

I’m literally going to go crazy.
I’m sitting here looking at a pile of papers that I am just supposed to know what to deal with.
Here we moved you our here from another state and we are sweet and awesome people,
Now you do everything, ask us anything you want!
That line….oh how I hate that line “ask us anything you want.”
Sometimes I actually want to punch the person who says that to me in the face.
Why? 
It’s such a nice thing to say! So simple, and kind.
No, it’s a cop out phrase.
What the “ask me anything” person is saying is,
I could care less about how you actually do,
I’m here for you but only once you have the important things figured out.
Why do I believe that?
Because the ask me anything person forgets that someone doesn’t always KNOW the questions they need to ask,
And in a situation like mine….starting a new job in a new community around NO PEOPLE,
I have no flipping idea what questions to ask, all I know is I’m overwhelmed, 
I’m going to fail at everything, and I don’t what to do about it.
Then you get to the phase I’m in now, which is the 
“Fine, Fuck you. I’m just going to find somewhere else to go!”
Except I am not actually leaving yet, just have more and more impulses to GTFO!

And then I get home and it’s like GIVE ME THE COOKIES.
No, no….you just started a diet, no cookies.
GIVE ME COOKIES.
No, really, you are overweight now from all of your depression eating from the last year, SERIOUSLY—leave the cookies alone.
GIVE ME COOKIES.
No?
GIVE ME THE DAMN COOKIES!

And at least for now I don’t eat them–but why am I overweight now? Because the same thing has been going down for weeks…maybe months, maybe even over a year now and ain’t nothing I can do about it.

And now….now is when I really feel trapped.
Why?
Because I may go and visit places but there’s no getting out of this hole I am in.
Or maybe there is, but today I feel pretty stuck.
And what if you don’t get trained at any other job either!
It could get EVEN WORSE!
Well no reason to worry about that, BUT OH MY GOSH

Anyway. Well I’m going to Chicago this weekend. 
Maybe I will just have to move there.

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