On the Road to Austin Excerpt 2

There was a nervous energy creeping along the windows and the walls of the perfect 70’s house that night. 5 women twisting and turning with  Austin freedom as they pricked and prodded until their everything was perfect and prepared. Two languished in pain that only women know and came in momentarily, only to end up in quiet, violent arguments with the goddess of the group. I worked quietly with the Texas Beauty as she found her place again in the land that had raised her. 

The night began with excitement ending my sleep as Madeleine poked her head into the door, ending months of absence with excitement that filled the room. Lilliana was nervous, she was out of her element, coming back to highschool and crossing tables by staying with the “other group.” She paced back and forth priming and preparing herself for an evening out, while we talked about Madeleine’s boyfriend of three months, who sounded about ready to become her husband for all ages. She painted a picture for us of a short man beside her towering self, wearing hipster glasses and spouting comedic lines. 

Somehow Lilli’s inquiry about whether she should where flats or heels ended in a cacauphony of praise of my own apparently “Barbie” feet, shaped perfectly for heels, and though they didn’t know it while they were praising it-too thin to grow old gracefully. Shortly, afterward I turned to lay my head on Madeleine’s lap, languidly sprawling my button up clad self across the bed, and resting in the comfort of the one woman in the world that made me come alive the way she did. I didn’t need to breathe at that moment, just to be, alive and present. 

The room shifted so that Lilliana could begin her artistry on my skin. Shadows, lines, and whatever other spells she cast until I was barely recognizable in perfection. Madeleine updated us on her life with her story of being assaulted by a man with nothing better to do with his life than persecute a woman for having been born a woman. As she narrated she revealed the languishing her soul had endured since her graduation from college where I had met her just a year and a half before. It was like old times, and yet different, because I was only so open. She hadn’t spoken to me for so long after I left that her friendship had begun a commodity that was not meant for me.  

After Lilliana began on my mane of hair, I awkwardly tried to contribute my own struggles. I was making a joke out of an isolation that I genuinely feared, and simultaneously masking a despair that hadn’t left with leaving the source of fear. Lacking complete honesty and willingness to talk, but even worse-confidence in the others desire to hear-I mocked myself in telling them, and invisibly destroyed myself before them. 

Minutes later, I clad myself in sparkles, and a certain vintage perfection, and the contempt I had harbored for myself,placed and found in the eyes of others welled up within. I attempted to accept the glory that each person that saw the creation bestowed on me, saying thank you’s and pretending gratitude. As time went on, the stomach inside me crumbled until I changed into a veiled costume that made me feel as quietly plain, beautiful as I wanted to feel. It’s a strange desire to want to be nothing, but that was the sensation that drove me into the new outfit, and then into the corner with a glass of water to hide. 

 

TRIP TO AUSTIN TOMORROW!!

I feel like it would be really cool to document my pilgrimage to Austin this week. I tend to go on a vacation everytime I leave a job, and so far it has been SUCH a wonderful way to grow as a person when I start a new part of my life! 

This trip I am going with unwrittentruth.wordpress.com, so this will be a pretty awesome vacation!

Tonight’s task is to prepare, and to pray that we find Christ in our journey!

Time to pack!

The Cross

There is a burden descended to my chest,
I will not lie and say there isn’t one,
But the comfort is what’s to come is best,
And so I’m singing the redemption song.

A Savior’s come to lead me to my home,
The one I’ve longed for since I was a child.
He’s told me the obstacles to overcome,
And offered me peace from others of the wild.

Hes asking that i bear my very own,
Instead of those I think may help me out,
He points to suffering that should not be a loss,
To show me what could come if I go now.

So I hope He comes as I approach Him,
And shows me His story, that I may enter in.

Marinating

Well, I passed you up in years,
Now I’ve grown up and you’re…just you.
College kid, working out and beer,
Something old but still something new.

You sang a song of being rich,
And gazed with compassion’s own eyes,
Then just before you left to ditch,
I asked within for your surprise.

And then three years came back to me,
And I laughed at my foolish self,
Through Gaga and politic glee,
I’d peer and find the hidden shelf?

Yes, you said in self prophecy,
But maybe I waited too long,
Despite our battle will you see,
What I’ve been saying all along?

We’ll see, say I, you haven’t come,
And you must do so to be one,
For I refuse to not be won,
Though i may not go if you do come.

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