Trigger Warning: Miscarriage
5 Years Ago Today was the day I lost my first child.
5 Years Ago Today was the day she died.
Today, I lived my life like nothing was wrong.
I played with my double rainbow babies.
I did the dishes.
I cleaned the house.
But I saw a butterfly and I asked if it was her.
I asked her to be with me, but only if she wants to be,
Because I hope she’s happy in heaven without me,
Even though she’s without me, and I’m without her.
5 Years Ago Today, I screamed like I had never screamed before.
5 Years Ago Today, I held her body.
5 Years Ago Today, there was blood all over the floor
Of the tub. I didn’t know that that could happen.
Usually I don’t bleed when I shower,
But when you’re losing them it doesn’t stop, even for the water flow.
5 Years Ago Today, I thought I would die if it didn’t stop.
5 Years Ago Today, she died and I did not.