Trigger Warning: Miscarriage 5 Years Ago Today was the day I lost my first child. 5 Years Ago Today was the day she died. Today, I lived my life like nothing was wrong. I played with my double rainbow babies. I did the dishes. I cleaned the house. But I saw a butterfly and I... Continue Reading →
Jaded
Ever since I grew to adulthood, I hear the echoes of everyone who told me, "That's not real. That's a fantasy." Most of the time, I silence them With a wave of the hand, And maybe a deep breath, But then, Sometimes, a wave of grief comes, My heart begins to ask, "Were they right?... Continue Reading →
Ugly Cry, or, My Awakening: The Tension Between Cultivating Joy and Feeling Heard
Lately, I have been feeling like a ping pong ball in my own head. I'm learning a lot about a lot of things, but the problem is they all seem to contradict each other. I am learning how to cultivate joy, but I am also learning how to give myself space to be sad, I... Continue Reading →
Walls: Start with Love
Lately, I keep finding things that people say are rules or how things should be that are hard for me because I have walls up because of things that have happened to me. I learned this because I read a blog post about giving God our pain, and as I have been offering up my... Continue Reading →
Embrace Your Cross
"Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabbactani My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?" My God, My God, why did you abandon me? I gave You everything. No matter how hard everything was. I gave You my childhood. I gave you the feeling of being invincible that I never got to feel. I gave You my... Continue Reading →
Lea Michele: What I wanted to say to you back then
Lea Michele, I haven't forgotten you. For years I have had the image of you plastered in my mind from the tabloids after you found out Cory Monteith had died. My heart bled for you. There was one that talked about what he said to you in his last voicemail. It struck me as cruel... Continue Reading →
An Impossible Task
Babies are born when a mommy and daddy love each other, And the stars all align, And no one gets sick, And all the genes add up correctly, And the mother is perfectly still, But not so perfectly still that the baby dies, And if the mothers doesn't take hot baths, But takes warm baths,... Continue Reading →
A Book
People talk about how reading a book is like going on a journey. In some ways, that's just a thing they say. But when you read something that really speaks, And especially if it is really about a journey, That thing they say holds something more. It is a reality that springs up in front... Continue Reading →
King and God
Duct tape clings to my face as twisting fingers pull and clasp at it. Fuck you monsters. I can't stop screaming as each moment passes. Moments have tendriled phlanges curling around themselves, Scraping their prey in millions of different directions at once. Stop the moments, Screaming at the top of my lungs, I beg for... Continue Reading →
Cash doesn’t make up for loss
A friend of mine died this week. I posted a status, my farewell to him, and the only comment on it is a friend of mine who reminds me that I should remind people about the fundraiser going around for him. That really hurt, and today she asked me to spread the word about the... Continue Reading →
SUZANNAGORETTI 