King and God

Duct tape clings to my face as twisting fingers pull and clasp at it.
Fuck you monsters.
I can’t stop screaming as each moment passes.
Moments have tendriled phlanges curling around themselves,
Scraping their prey in millions of different directions at once.

Stop the moments,
Screaming at the top of my lungs,
I beg for relief from the opposite of a hurricane.
Spinning outward until time stops passing and I stop breathing.

The world and everything else goes black.

Suddenly I am in a duchess’ white gold gown.
Rustling forward with every advent of flat glistening shoes.
I realize for only a second that there is no air,
Breath doesn’t exist here.
But I keep going forward.

Trees saturated with green leaves appear on either side of me,
Blooming against a jet black nothing,
As marble floors meet my soles.
If breath existed it would have halted as the golden sanctuary emerged before me.
There was no need for an altar, as altar’s Host sat in His throne.
My heart physically sank to the earth,
Becoming flame and ash simultaneously.
A blazing dead flame of withering despair.

“You are just a King?”
I did not have to speak with my lips or my breath,
Because anger flared forth from the hole where my heart had been.
“How dare you?”

He said nothing.

I screamed without words
Irrationally berating the King of Everything.
A bottle that has finally exploded after eons of pressure.
“You said you were my groom,
What was that bullshit about being a bride?
Song of Songs is the greatest lie of all time.
You are just a KING?”

His silence was what ended the rage.
They say hate is not the opposite of love, and they are right.
The part of me that cared stopped.
Halted in it’s own tracks,
It started to breathe.

I stood silently, while I watched my body continue.
White sheets whisked past as I made my bed.
The river that was never an ocean bubbled past.
Time clocked on, as I refused to participate, or participated too much
Depending on the day.

I kept watching.
Living in hate, in love, in something more,
In passion, in courage, in fear, defeat, everything else.
Breathing ceased as if it would never return.

Life changed forever when I lost my groom.
The day My Lord became King.

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